Beyond Scribbles

Lately, I have been experiencing the scattered brain syndrome a lot. Let me tell the end result wasn’t pretty.

Despite having numerous systems to capture my random thoughts, I often forget to input them into any of my systems and end up forgetting things.

For instance, I remembered I needed to buy vinegar just now. I’ve been meaning to add it to my shopping list for the past week or so. But, I forgot. It’s only just occurred to me now, prompting me to open my Google Keep app, where I keep my shopping list and add it. That’s my system. I should’ve done that two weeks ago.

That’s what I mean by being a scattered brain.

For these systems to work effectively, I need to capture data as it occurs. For example, when I forgot to add vinegar to my shopping list, it means I’ve been forgetting to buy it for the past two weeks. I only realized I needed vinegar when I picked up the almost empty bottle to use.

This forgetfulness isn’t confined to just one area of my life.

From ideas to write down to chores that could be done well ahead of time — the list is shamelessly endless. Thankfully, I’ve been doing a better job lately by promptly adding writing ideas to my list. However, I still neglect the part where I sit down and explore these ideas. It’s a slight improvement, but not much to show for in the end.

I could blame it all on my excessive data consumption. Watching YouTube videos and TV shows and playing games on my phone — I could spend endless hours on these. But, I’ve realized that one particular game I play has rendered me utterly useless. It’s meant to be a relaxing game, and indeed, it is. So much so that I find myself returning to this app every spare second. It’s called ZEN COLOR. It’s not exactly a game; more like a coloring app. I adore the patterns and landscapes in this app that I can color. Each number represents a color. It’s easy, requires no mental strain, no information overload — just tapping and coloring.

Truly relaxing.

But, as the saying goes, too much of anything is harmful. I used to multitask, folding clothes or doing chores while watching a YouTube video — a great way to catch up on shows and get things done. However, in the past few months — yes, months — I’ve slipped into the habit of coloring while watching a TV show or waiting to pick up my kids from school. Those pick-up times used to be used for commenting on blog posts, quickly jotting down ideas for the following day, etc.

As I mentioned, no spare moment is spared with this app on my phone.

Two days ago, I decided to delete the app. Surprisingly, I didn’t experience any withdrawal symptoms, and I didn’t even seek out the app. I managed just fine without it, which surprised me. So, in the evening, I installed the app again, intending to color just one image. But again, to my surprise, I couldn’t finish coloring. I kept closing the app.

So, I uninstalled it again.

Yesterday, I installed the app once more. To my disbelief, I found it highly discouraging to go back and fall into the cozy coloring moments. I couldn’t even complete a single image.

And so, I uninstalled the app again.

I play Sudoku and crossword games on my phone, but these games demand my full attention. I can’t simply zone out and solve a sudoku puzzle while watching a TV show. It turns out that relaxation wasn’t precisely relaxing my brain as I had expected. Instead, it was turning me into a useless being.

Through this experience I learned that breaking a habit isn’t exactly difficult if we’re clear about what we want. Going with the flow might not always be good, especially when that flow is a trap we unintentionally created for ourselves.

It’s only been two days, but I’ve noticed that deleting just one app has improved my clarity of thought. I’m not even randomly ending up on the YouTube app. I feel liberated.

The culprit was a simple, harmless coloring app. It had my brain hostage. Have you ever experienced this sort of fog?

© Vinitha Dileep

---

Check out my YouTube Channel here.