Is there a law that you live by? A rule that you follow no matter what—one you’ve never broken and never will?
I believe we all live by certain laws and principles—untold and unwritten ones, that our minds are clear about. Isn’t that why we like certain things and dislike others? Isn’t that where our opinions about people begin to form?
I think so.
One thing I can say about myself is that I don’t do things to please others—especially not with words. Is this a principle I live by? Well, I didn’t consciously create it as a rule. It’s just something I noticed about myself. Flattery isn’t my forte. I’m simply not good at it. When I say something nice about someone, I mean it. Words matter to me as much as actions do—they’re not to be given away carelessly.
A few years ago, I’ve come up with another personal rule: I will not compliment or congratulate someone for their achievements unless I feel genuinely happy for them.
This rule has been effective for my mental well-being.
Social media can be both uplifting and overwhelming. Every day, we are flooded with updates from family members, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances—new houses, wedding anniversaries, new babies, cars, jobs, promotions, book releases, awards, vacations. It’s so easy to feel jealous, inadequate, or vulnerable in the face of these endless celebrations.
There was a time when career-related updates from friends would leave me sad and upset. Self-pity would creep in whenever their achievements appeared in my feed. One day, I made the decision that I wouldn’t congratulate anyone unless I truly felt happy for them.
That decision shifted my perspective. I stopped feeling sad about not having a job and found it easier to focus on being happy for my friends who were thriving.
Comparison had been the source of my unhappiness.
Even now, when I see a friend share a piece of good news, I only react if I feel genuinely happy for them.
If I don’t, it prompts me to reflect: Why am I not happy for them? A journaling session with this question helps me clear the clutter in my mind. Often, after some reflection, I find myself feeling ready to write a heartfelt congratulatory message.
Do you have any unwritten laws that you live by? I bet you do. Care to share them with me?
This piece is written in response to the two hundredth and twenty-second edition of Fiction Monday inspired by the word prompt – LAW hosted by yours truly. Do join in if you have a tale to tell.
Fiction Monday
Void Thoughts 
Social media makes me feel old these days. And I feel like the insta algorithm feeds on that feeling. I have limited my insta usage to either fitness and idiotic reels. Although, the later, I fear might lead to brain rot. 🙂 During this period my reading has increased by many fold. I think my brain is trying to reset and protect me from social media.
I loved the shift in your perspective about achievements of others. A great exercise to protect one’s mental health.
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Thank you for sharing, Vini. I can see how this would seem fake and disingenous.
I didn’t realize this about myself until quite recently – I tend to speak up when I see something wrong happening. Looking back, I can see how I did this even as a child. It’s led me to all sorts of problems but I don’t think I ever want to change that about myself.
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There is so much to read in the above comments 😊 but today my mind has very low capacity. I liked your rule of only congratulating other people if you genuinely feel happy for them. I think I also function the same way.
I need to think if there is something for which I have made a rule or is it that I have developed myself in a particular way. There are things coming to my mind at the moment yet I am not sure if I deliberately made a rule/rules for them.
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My mom used to say that friends who offer a shoulder to cry on are a dime a dozen, but friends who truly celebrate your triumphs with you are rare, indeed. I never really understood that. I suppose that if I ever believed the resources of this world were so finite that your win meant I was destined to lose, I might feel a twinge of envy. But that is rarely, if ever, the case. And I suppose I don’t celebrate all the little joys of billionaires unless they’re also doing some commensurate good in the world. When they win big, it seems no more momentous than if you or I win at horseshoes. They certainly don’t know or care if I applaud them or throw darts at their picture – makes no little ripple in their universe, does it? But I am actually MUCH better at celebrating with my friends when they are happy than I am at being the shoulder to cry on. I suffer from that deeply felt need to FIX EVERYTHING, so it makes me feel useless and depressed, no matter how unrealistic that is or how much they just need someone to sit and be sad WITH them.
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We are on the same boat sister. I also find social media and endless celebrations overwhelming. I also feel jealous, inadequate, unsuccessful, and a complete loser when I compare myself with others. However, last year, I attended a Buddhist meditation retreat in Dharamshala. The theme of that meditation was “mudita”, a Buddhist practice that encourages you to feel happy for others. Honestly, that changed my perspective towards myself and others. Once we start celebrating others our own joy becomes limitless. It takes practice but Mudita changes your perspective towards life.
I am not sure what values I stubbornly stick to, maybe unconsciously I do have some but at the moment I cannot think of any. I promise, I will think about it and get back to this post once I find one.
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It’s very therapeutic to reflect on why we think or do certain things and when that is done with honesty, it helps us understand ourselves better. I believe if we have a healthy relationship with ourselves first, it will enable us to relate better with others. I laud your decision to be authentic and I think people-pleasing will only take us that far in life if it isn’t genuine.
And, now, since you asked, I must mention here that I do live by certain principles that will never change with time—mostly learnt from the School of Hard Knocks…First, is to just accept myself as I am, warts and all, imperfect and always a work-in-progress, and therefore, NEVER to compare myself with another person. It has come with a lot of practice, tears and heartbreak, to be honest! The other is learning to NOT take things personally, when people say hurtful things. It’s something that also has come with age and if I may say so, a deeper understanding of how people carry baggages from their past and usually, most of the time, their behaviour is more to do with unresolved trauma that they are carrying WITHIN themselves and NOT a reflection of who I am. Those 2 things have helped me a lot in the recent years!
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That’s a great rule to live by. After all, comparison is the thief of joy. I uninstalled social media when I found that it was dragging me down more than lifting my spirits up. My mental health has been much better since I decided to take that step. I’m glad that you found out what’s working for you too
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