Beyond Scribbles

I was scared
to glance in her direction,
like I have always been scared 
to plan my future, 
because somewhere 
not too deep within me, 
I fear 
I’m not doing enough.

She didn’t look terrified, 
unlike me. 
She exuded confidence and warmth, 
her smile relaxed me. 
She seemed comfortable in herself, 
unlike me.

She looked at me, 
in the eyes — 
a knowing, gentle smile 
closing the distance between us. 

She is not cross with me, 
I realized. 
A sigh of relief escaped me.

I steadied myself, 
and smiled at her, 
and spoke — 
barely a whisper leaving my lips, 
“I’m sorry for not doing enough. 
I tried… you know I tried my best. 
Sorry for all the missed opportunities, 
for all the regrets 
I left you with. 
I should have done better — ” 

I paused, 
a tear slipping from my eyes.

She smiled, 
brighter, 
her voice far from accusatory — 
“You did well, you just don’t know it yet. 
You are doing well. Your best — I know that. 
I am here because of you, 
because you didn’t give up, 
because you showed up 
even when you felt you were not enough, 
even when you thought your best was not enough. 
Through all those doubts, 
you still chose to believe — 
in yourself, 
in me. 
I am here because of you. 
Thank you for taking care of me.”

Her words swept through me 
filling me with a new life — 
fresh hope and old dreams 
sparkled.

I whispered, “Thank you”. 
And for the first time, 
I am ready to believe 
that I am her.

© Vinitha Dileep

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This piece is written in response to the Poetry Circle prompt “Write a letter in the form of a poem — to your past self, future self, or someone you never sent a letter to.” Thank you, Sunita Saldhana.