Beyond Scribbles

That is the question I’ve been asking myself over and over.

For the past few weeks, maybe even months, I’ve been living on excuses.

That’s how I feel.

I’ve not been writing as much as I want. I’ve not been reading and engaging with posts by my fellow writers as much as I want. I’ve not been studying for my certification as much as I want to.

I thought I was being lazy.

I was making excuses.

Then I started asking myself—am I making excuses?

That question led me to some clarity.

I wasn’t making excuses all the time, like I thought. I wasn’t being lazy all the time either.

I was battling headaches.

I’m waiting for my new glasses to arrive. That, I hope, will fix the problem. My difficulty with reading and writing seems to be connected to my eyesight—something I’ve been ignoring for a while.

I need glasses to see at a distance. But for a while now, I haven’t been able to read clearly with my glasses on. Taking them off, however, brings the letters back into focus.

So that was the game I was playing—glasses on, glasses off. And, of course, the eye strain may have been contributing to the headaches, something I had failed to notice.

I thought my migraines were to blame.

Now, you might be wondering how the question Am I making excuses? helped me.

Well, it helped me move beyond I am not able to write now because I have a headache to Why do I keep getting these headaches? and then to Why does my head hurt every time I pick up my laptop to read, write, or study?

And that made me look for the reason instead of simply blaming myself.

So I’m giving myself the grace I deserve.

No more blaming myself.

No more hiding behind excuses.

No more ignoring the real reasons hiding in plain sight.

Journaling helps, indeed.

And when in doubt, this question right here—Am I making excuses?—is a good place to start.

© Vinitha Dileep

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This piece is written in response to the three hundred and twenty second edition of Fiction Monday inspired by the word prompt – IGNORE hosted by yours truly. Do join in if you have a tale to tell.

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