Void Thoughts

Have you suffered from losing your identity bit by bit? Did you look back to find yourself as a different person? I have! These days, for the most part, I am ‘Aryan’s Mom’ – Aryan is Kanna’s official name.  I introduce myself to other parents as ‘Aryan’s Mom’ and they know me not by name but as my son’s mom. So is the case with other moms and dads in the school. We all are someone’s mom.

Outside school, in my life, I am Dileep’s wife or Aryan’s mom. It’s like I don’t exist, like I don’t have an identity of my own. I am not sure if I am losing myself a bit in this evolution of new roles but I sure do hope that it isn’t true. In fact, few years back I caught myself as a different person, and from then on, I was a little consious to not to lose myself in the whirl wind of relations.

It is always difficult for me to give self introduction about myself. I see me as the mother first, wife second and as myself last and the least. That doesn’t mean that I don’t give preference to my preferences. I do, all the time. It’s the identity wise I am talking here.

So here is a description about myself, as me –  I had a good childhood with my mom, dad and younger sister. My mid teen years were not so wonderful – the crisis then was so hard; those struggles, with no doubt, made me who I am today. To do my engineering degree, I had to face a lot of troubles, but it was worth it. I believe education is necessary than getting married. I always wanted to be an independent woman with a career. I did not want to be a part of arranged marriage. I was lucky enough to find the man on my own, who actually chose me. I learned that sacrifices are necessary for a healthy and happy life, so the drop in career part strikes at me only once in a while. I have a passion for writing. I like to learn too. I did MBA as correspondence when I was pregnant, needless to say, I took the allotted 4 years in completeing the 2 years long course. Sometimes, I pass time by doing programs in Java or making apps in Android, simple ones. I like doing Yoga. I believe in God but I am not superstitious. And I strongly do not believe in “God-fearing”. God is a support system for me, an invisible friend, I can’t be close to anyone who I fear! Life is not 100 percent where I want it to be right now but I can’t complain. I like to believe that the pretty tough times are over by now. I think that this life I am living is pretty good with all the shortcomings it offer. I would like one change in my life’s story so far and it is out of my hands now, maybe it was always. So yeah, I have one complaint to the God if he is the one responsible for life.

The experiences, beliefs etc. makes our description, not just what we are to someone else. As much as I love being a mom and wife, I love who I am for who I am!

What about you? How would you describe yourself?