There are some friendships that I consider a blessing. Yesterday, one such friend visited us. She is one of the first connections I made in Phoenix almost 16 years ago.
What I value in our decade-old friendship is that we are never formal with each other, even back when we first met.
I often hear people say “no formalities, please” as a formality. However, we never communicated in such a manner. We just slipped into this comfortable friendship where formalities were out of the way, allowing us to be ourselves without the need to justify anything to each other. It’s the kind of friendship where you can pick up a conversation years later as if it was just yesterday you talked to each other.
I have a similar kind of friendship with a few of my schoolmates, a couple of people whom I made friends with while working in Bangalore, and a few more whom I met in the US and the UK. Although I don’t get the opportunity to stay in touch with these dear friends of mine as often as I would like, when we do connect, there is a familiarity that I slip into without a second thought. I can be myself without fearing what they will think about me.
Last week, another friend of mine, with whom I share more than two decades of friendship, with whom I had talked to more often than my other friends, messaged me. She started off with a very formal message and ended with a favor request that involved doing some work for her. Although this message made me a little uncomfortable, honoring our friendship, I did what was asked of me. Then came another demand, as she wasn’t pleased with my work. I couldn’t spend more time on her demands, as I was already having a tiring week last week, so I said no, I can’t do it anymore.
I am certain she didn’t like my response. But I couldn’t care less. Being formal doesn’t guarantee an automatic “yes, ma’am”. If you value the friendship, have the courtesy to understand the other person, to know what they are going through.
So yes, I have these kinds of friendships, too, where I am taken for granted. And that’s why I value those friends with whom I can be myself, perhaps a little too much. They simply are my blessing.
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Void Thoughts 
Oh you bet! My inner circle is filled with friends I’ve known for 20 years or more. We don’t talk everyday, but when we do, it is like we never stopped.Such friends are indeed a blessing.
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I’m glad we all have good friends to offset those friends who try to take advantage! And more power to you for saying no!
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Well done on saying no. That person is no friend. Good friends are truly a blessing.
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I can relate to this category of friends with whom we can pick up from we left off even after a long gap. Thank God for such friends…they keep our faith going in friendships. The other friend you described and said ‘no’ to, is perhaps the kind that comes into our life as lessons. I’ve been there too…and I can say you did the right thing, knowing that it was the right thing to do.
You know, Vinitha, as we grow older, we learn a lot about friends and friendships, and can even perceive things that we hadn’t noticed earlier. All these are part of our life lessons and growing up. It does hurt for a bit but then, we know that we need to move on from such people. They are definitely not worth our time and will only drain our energy!
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I am blessed that I have friends with whom I can totally be my mad crazy self . There are times when I can’t do that even with my family. Thank God for friends.
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It was good that you could say No when you could not go on honouring what she was asking of you. It happens that in case of long term friendships sometimes friends tend to take the other one for granted or act as if they are doing some sort of a favour to the other friend. Next time you get any such out of the blue *formal* demands, do not forget to quote a charge for your work 🙂
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That second one sounds more like an employer than a friend. You reluctantly agreed to a favor; she has no right to be demanding. Want a change order? Here’s the invoice. That said, the best friends are the kind you can go a year or more without seeing, and pick up the conversation right where you left off last time. No demands or expectations, no conversational tit-for-tat, just an easy and comfortable friendship.
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