Some days, everything feels wrong.
Even the smallest mistakes seem to weigh heavily on my mind.
Things I could’ve done differently.
Things I should’ve thought through.
Things I wish I hadn’t done.
I tell myself it’s okay. That I didn’t mean to make those mistakes. That I was doing the best I could at that moment.
Yet I feel bad.
And I carry that feeling with me.
I keep replaying those moments in my mind, wondering what I could’ve done differently.
I should’ve been more careful.
I should’ve paid more attention.
I should’ve known better.
The list goes on.
And somehow, all the things I did right that day fade into the background.
Why is it so easy to remember the few things that went wrong and so difficult to acknowledge the many things that went right? Why do I let a couple of mistakes overshadow everything else?
Perhaps the problem isn’t the mistakes themselves.
Perhaps it’s the way I hold on to them.
The way I allow them to occupy my thoughts long after the moments have passed. The way I judge myself for things I would readily forgive in someone else.
I don’t feel brave enough to look within.
I’m afraid of what I might see.
But perhaps it’s not the mistakes I’m afraid of seeing.
Perhaps it’s the judgment that follows.
Why am I so afraid of seeing my mistakes when I know there is so much more to me than those mistakes?
I wish I could overlook the little things I get wrong and focus on the many things I do right every day.
I wish I could acknowledge my mistakes, learn from them, and let them go instead of carrying their weight around.
Why is it so hard to offer myself the same understanding I so willingly offer others?
Maybe that’s where I need to find my courage.
Not in pretending I never make mistakes, but in learning to see myself beyond them.
Perhaps the courage to look within isn’t about finding everything that’s wrong with me.
Perhaps it’s about learning to see everything that’s right with me, too.
This piece is written in response to Write Bravely October Prompt –
Week 1 – Courage to Look Within
What am I afraid to acknowledge about where I am right now?
Thank you for the prompt, Corinne.
